Meditation and Life purpose

In the last year or so I have attended a meditation course and have dabbled at meditation. I like it quite a lot, for me personally the most useful part is to listen to myself more. Be more aware of the voices I have inside me and the impact they have. More awareness and living more in the moment.
It's been really useful, it also helps me to know more. And sometimes in the middle of meditation I just get random thoughts that are kind of wow moments. Either self knowledge or some solutions or things that I can do.
Recently though I have been to a workshop called Big Mind Big Heart. It's a process, based on meditation but very practical. It's more like a game where you recognize all the 'players' or voices inside you and you acknowledge them and thank them for doing their job. You hear the damaged self and understand him, he´s there to take the hits and suffering that life will always throw at you and the only thing he wants is... to be recognized and thanked for his work, that he does so well and always will. But most of us, what we do is... try to protect him! To keep him from doing his job. And there is the Controler or the Critic or Fear or the Ego... each with their job.
And if we all recognize them, we mature and get closer to full awareness and enlightment. What was great was that we spend a couple of hours seeing all these 'voices or players' and as you spend time listening to them and acknowledging them they mature and become less restless. And you get closer to your true self, to enlightment, to your Heart or whatever you want to call it. And in the end of the process we realize that we are one with universe. These voices represent everything that exists in the universe. and everybody and everything has them. And we are one with the universe.
And then in this state of greater awareness and closeness to the true universe or the true self we realise that we are an encarnation of the Universe, we are divine. And then we can ask ourselves: why was I put in this body? What specific gifts do I have to give the world? What are the unique strengths that I can offer? And also what is my passion? What makes me go wow?!
And then we can understand what we can give the world fulfilling ourserlves! Reaching our fulfilment and therefore contributing to the world's fulfilment.

This is the way I took it, personally, obviously each person can read it and take it differently. But at this stage in my life, these were the learnings for me.

What I really liked is learning and seeing how I can use meditation better and to help me better understand my purpose! The big question that has always been on my mind for the last couple of years.

How to live in purpose?

I'm feeling quite low...
Unmotivated is the key word.
What the hell am I doing with my life? What the hell do I want to do with my life?

I know that I have a full life in front of me. I do know that I can do whatever I want to do. I am extremely lucky in that I have always had food & shelter and all the chances to have an education. I have always landed good jobs. I have a strong supportive family. I have all the conditions to be happy.

But I just don't seem to be doing something that is motivating. Work is paramount to me. I want to be fulfiled my work.
But I don't know what is it that would fulfil me and give me daily joy.

How do you understand this? How can I discover what I would really want to do?
Can somebody help me?

Do I miss being abroad?

Spend the last 4 days abroad, back in the country and city where I lived for 4 years. I was really sad as I missed it so much...
I now feel like I am not living, as if people I used to go out with are living it out much more, experiencing more, getting stretched more.
And I am annoyed at work. Annoyed at people, no time for them. I miss the old job a lot. I was travelling, which I loved and I was working with people from differente nationalities which was great.

Perspective again

Hey!
Been out for a few days with some stomach problems. Really annoying as they kept me in bed for the entire weekend and made me miss a good friends wedding and a very big match, the final of the cup.
Being in bed the pain was annoying, I couldn't sit up or do anything just lie down and also had trouble falling asleep. There was also quite a bit of fever!
In all this, something was really strange. I was thinking that this could be something serious and bad... and at some stage I almost wished that it was so that I could stop my job and really think about my priorities and allign my life with them. It was definitely very clear that I wanted to stop what I am doing and do something else.
It's key to decide what I want to do (and agree with it deep down) and then go on and do it.
I realised that I was happy in my times abroad. Even though they were difficult, I was driven by an inner sense and strength? I wanted to do it and I was living life?
I felt good, I felt I was experiencing things, I was becoming more experienced and at the same time I became much more myself: as I saw different ways of working and above all different attitudes to life, I was much more able to see what I was doing, what was due to my personality and what was due to social conditioning.

Ups and downs

It's been a week of ups and downs.
Mainly at work, some good stuff matched by some not so good stuff. End of last week the MD said to me how impressed she was in how quickly I had won people over to my side since joining. But this week I felt I was loosing people's confidence: the KAM responsible criticized my department to the sales director and he has been showing himself a lot less supporting and believing.
I guess he is probably under a lot of pressure due to the poor sales results.
With my team again mixed feelings. I sometimes wonder how serious and responsible they are, but on the other hand I had a good show of commitment from one of them in a meeting yesterday: passion, drive and commitment.
With the girlfriend things seem to really be chugging along: the bad weekend a while ago made us realize how much we want to be with each other and I think there are bigger chances we will go for it. We will probably plan our next moves this weekend, as she is coming over.

Quote to make you think...

'A rough road leads to the stars.'
NASA

Hey ho

Hey!
Lot has happened in the last few days.
Went out to a wedding abroad of a very good friend of mt girlfriend. It was... demanding.
I had to travel quite a bit by myself to get there and then argued quite a bit with the girlfriend. Still need to figure out what happened and how I feel about it. It was tough though, specially with not a lot of sleeping.
What I do know is that I felt really undervalued and generated quite a bit of insecurity.
We were close to splitting up and - this made me realise how my life is empty?! She is quite important to me, if we would split up, I would struggle.
Action:
- balance my life, I am definitely over-investing in work! Need other things, friends, sport, that I will value get more balance into my life!
- Work on purpose! What do I really want out of life. I have been thinking about this for such a long time - it really is time to start doing things about it, taking ACTION! Someone said there are a few characteristics of successful people: a VISION and TAKING ACTION are definitely among them.
- discuss and define next step with my girlfriend: we are living in different countries, it is probably about time we have a clear plan on what to do, next steps, etc
- above all, bear in mind: Whatever life throws at me, I will handle it!

Then got back and spent loads of time preparing a strategy review to the board, again working really late, not getting enough sleep...

Better

Things are better.
Had a big presentation last week. It was in front of all the department, so I was talking to roughly 150 people. It was my first time with this group, so it was important to perform.
I'm really happy with the way it went. I do enjoy presenting a lot and I do put my heart into it. Making it this way does have an impact on people.

On top of the good presentation, another good benefit was that I gained quite a bit of credibility with the team. They were really impressed with the way I presented and my impact on the other people. I also mentioned all of them in the presentation so it was good for them. The result is much more room for me to work on, they trust me more.

I know this doesn´t last very long but it buys me more time! And the chance for the real me to come out.
It also gave me more confidence.

How would you deal with this?

Still struggling with the new job. I find myself spending the day in meetings! No time to do the proper work that I have on my desk, but most of all no time to start puting my stamp on my team, as I need to.

The people in my team know their objectives. They know what we need to achieve, and what projects they have on their lap.
But they don't seem to move! They don't move and only wait for me to tell them what they need to do!!! I really struggle with this! I strongly think that more and more people need to think with their own head and get things moving. BEING PROACTIVE.
But what they are doing is complaining to each other... on how they are worried that they don't have a lot to do and are afraid that if there are job cuts they will be next... Come on!!! Grow up and do something about it!
I really feel like going to them and saying 'just bloody do something, just bloody move, it's your job, make something of it! Move, you know where you need to get to! So bloddy get on and start thinking how to get there! I'll be there to bounce ideas of, to unblock paths, to influence at higher lever, to secure budgets, to discuss and agree paths...'.
But if I am aggressive, I will just loose them, as they are quite fragile and with limited self confidence.

I am really annoyed but I guess this is the learning curve for managing people.

CURRENT LEARNING: I am being too nice. I need to be tougher on them and start demanding more. I need to hold them acocuntable more. To challenge them more. Set them targets. Set them clear objectives.

Local vs Global

Had a strategy preparation meeting. Basically the board asked us to present them our strategy and we are now preparing it. What surprises me: we have to do it by the 9th of May and we had the 1st meeting now! Why is it a 1 off thing instead of something that is done throughout the year and refined???
I ran the meeting as I was asked to overview the process. It went well but I am quite disapointed. Coming from a central job, everything was much more planned and thought off and now... it is much more done rushing, not very professionally or in depth! And this is what is supposed to guide this business for the next years, until 2010 at least!!!!
I did not enjoy it and feel a bit disapointed.

On the positive side, I really was in the zone in the meeting. I ran it very well, was really confident and managed timings, etc being able to stop some side discussions etc and get people to focus on the key topics. I am really happy that I was able to summarize key points and put them down as sometimes people drifted off topic. To be honest, I almost did not recognize myself! Definitely scored a few points with the Md.