An interesting exercise

I did an interesting exercise yesterday, that I recommend anyone to try.
I've been feeling low lately (for quite a while!) - as work pressure gets to me, working long hours and often not getting the results from it. To be honest, it's been going on for a long time.
Quite often, I just feel bad, like there is something wrong, and it's difficult to put your finger into it. And quite often, I just get my head down and go back to work, push onward and forward!
That can be ok, and sometimes problems just go away. But also sometimes, you just start to allow inside you the space for a bad feeling - which if not addressed, can become bigger and really drain you.
I can be quite bad at reading myself and understanding what's happening and why, why I am feeling such a way, etc.
So yesterday, with a friend, she suggested for me to do an exercise: for 7 minutes, just talk. Keep talking and don't stop. Let it all out, the thoughts that are coming into your mind. Just let them out as they come, don't think about it, just speak them.
What did that do?
- first it did give me a feeling of relief, just throwing all those things out! you feel good about taking them out, even though some of it is probably quite critical of you! but it's good to put it out. I guess maybe a bit like the 'big mind, big heart' (see post here) approach - you have different voices inside you, all they want is to be listened - in that sense, by speaking it out loud, you are reassuring those voices that they have been listened to. Don't get spooked, it's not that crazy, read the post and it'll make more sense!
- second and most importantly... it was really interesting to having someone listening to it! My friend was able to provide me with a detached view and see through what I was saying - eg the key topics and issues coming out. It can be really difficult for ourselves to do it, as we are too involved in the thoughts. but listening from the outside, sometimes it is really visible what are the real issues.

This definitely does not solve the problems! But starting to get them out in the open is hopefully a first step to understand the issues and therefore - giving clues on how to address them!

Juggling

I read yesterday an interesting article where an Ex-CEO from Coke says something along these lines: life is like juggling balls. You have the work ball, the family and friends ball, the physical health ball and the spiritual health ball. There is only 1 difference... The work ball is made of rubber, if you let it drop, it will bounce back later. All the other ones are made of glass... if you drop them, it will harm them, scar them, or even break them.

Feeling in control

In the beginning of the year, I approached everything with a great sense of energy: my work, exercise, etc... all the things for which I had spent some time crafting my objectives for the year!
I kept going strong for months! Motivated, energized and it showed.
After 3-4 months of hard work, I started getting swamped... too much to do. And I started to forget to look at my objectives, didn't remind myself of them as often...
Slowly (I only realized that much later) my energy had dropped. Significantly. Noticeably.

I think that for a human being, it is key to feel somewhat in control. You need to feel you are going in the direction you want to go. It's demoralizing to feel that you are drifting with the current, going where things take you... You feel without a sense of control, with no impact on what happens, powerless! And that will drain your energy.

It's key do define your objectives: what you want to do, what you want to have, what you want to experience, have a vision of who you want to become. Of course it's important that this list is real, that it reflects what you really want deep down - but to be honest, if you're not sure, still do it anyway! A step in a defined (by you) direction is better than no step. Revisit these objectives frequently - at least once a week!
Have yearly ones and then break them into monthly ones (this works best for me). Than figure out what you will do that week to achieve your monthly goals.
Just this, just doing this... will give you a great feeling of control. You know where you want to go. You will look at things that happen to you (there will always be things happening to you, that you can't control or choose) and you will see how they can fit or help in your objectives. When you have spare time, you will know what to do with it, rather than just wanting to rest and recharge from the rat race. You will be working towards what you want.
That is motivating. That will prevent loss of motivation and loss of energy. That will keep you going. That will keep you positive.

The importance of thinking about the future

Just reading another book.
It says that we spend most our time trying to fix problems - but often fixing one problem just opens up another one. Eg our company is not doing well financially, we cut costs by 10%. Then a couple of talented managers might get frustrated perceiving cuts in investment and they leave, creating a bigger problem. Or you might want to lose weight, so you start heading off to the gym 3x a week. But then your family starts getting annoyed, as you are not spending as much time with them...

The issue seems to be that whatever you focus on, expands. Focus on problems, you get problems.

What the book says is that we should focus on the desired future. Visualise where we want to get to. Draw this ideal picture of the future. If we do this, our actions will naturally flow towards reaching and achieving this future. Your mindset and mood will be more positive, as you will be working towards a desired and wished for outcome.

It's quite interesting. Food for thought.

Raising self esteem, raising self confidence

I recently had a session with a facilitator at work: my team got together with this said facilitator to understand and agree how we could work better together.

At the beginning of the session, the facilitator talked a bit about self esteem and self confidence. How self esteem is something we build up since young age, whilst self confidence is also built up but varies according to different situations (eg we might be very confident at playing tennis, but not at all speaking in public). An interesting point that she mentioned was that self esteem though is the base, the foundation - from which self confidence builds on.

Imagine a chart: if your self esteem is low, draw an horizontal line at number 20. Self confidence than varies from that number, eg can go +5 up to 25, or -5 down to 15.

While if your self esteem is high, say at 80, self confidence could make it vary between 75 and 85 - at a much higher level.

Obviously it is not that simple and numerical but anyway it did sound very credible and reasonable that self esteem is actually the base, the foundation. If we have low self esteem, we will approach new tasks with a dread for failure... Whilst with high self esteem we may be more positive and believe we can do it, therefore dramatically increasing the likelihood of a good outcome.

In summary, my take out has been to highlight the importance of self esteem. For the last few years I have been thinking how my self confidence has been low... and figuring ways to improve it, reading about it, etc. While actually, it might be more critical for me to work on my self esteem.

In fact... I am quite sure it is mainly on my self esteem that I need to work on. I know I am quite hard on myself, I do tend to be a perfectionist. It makes highly critical. And I know I do have a little critical voice that is quite intensive and persistent sometimes!

As I went back home, I came across a book I had ordered years ago, but never really had read: Maximum Achievement, by Brian Tracy.

There is a lot of richness in the book... as I read it, it hooked me.

I picked up a very useful technique or exercise there, something that I had actually done years ago, with great results: repeating mantras or affirmations to myself.

I used to repeat 'I like myself' or 'I am good, I am very good, I am excellent'. Or write down quite a few times. It does wonders!

The fact is that our subconscious can only hold 1 thought at a time. So, at least for a while, we make it positive! (and probably much more realistic!). And for a while we quieten the negative critic inside.

The amazing thing is how visibly sometimes I noticed my body relaxing! Letting go and feeling better about myself! And a positive outcome taking over me! Absolutely unbelievable.

It does have a much stronger effect if you repeat these sentences to you while relaxed.

Brian also refers to an exercise that I learned years ago, about autogenic relaxation - the exercise where, lying down, you say 'my left arm feels very heavy...' then 'my left lef feels very heavy'... and they do start to feel very heavy and you relax very deeply. You can use this exercise as a starter to then speak more powerfully to your subconscious, as it is more relaxed. Just say 'I like myself'.

I promise: it is really powerful and life changing.

Back :)

I'm back...

So much as changed!

I am back living abroad. New role, new challenge.

Tough challenge in fact, I had a bit of a career change and at a stage where I was already doing a senior management role, that is not easy, I can tell you.

You don't get a lot of time to adapt and the pressure is on.

My start was tough, compiled by a bad boss, who fortunately moved on after a few months. (She is now terrorizing people in other department!).

On the personal side, I am living with my girlfriend, for the 1st time in my life! It's been a nice experience! More on that later.

Life has not been easy for the last few years, I have struggled to find the energy and passion I had in the beginning of my career. But at least I am throwing myself out there and trying new things, taking chances, taking difficult routes instead of remaining in the comfort zone.

It's tough, but could be tougher.

It's tough but also having some rewards.

Better times will come.

I am blessed with my family. My family is amazing. I am blessed.

Sports has always been crucial in my life, and over a year ago I had an injury in one knee that has kept me form playing football like I have always loved. I've been moving between specialists, looking for a solution outside surgery. Let's see where it goes. On the positive side, the place where the injury is, is not too bad, it's somewhat protected, so maybe I can have a good recovery.

I love writing, it is a bit therapeutic to me, so hopefully I will find the time and willingness to come back here and write.