Progress in 2010

I've spent a bit of time thinking through some areas of my life and deciding what I want to do in each. I've looked at:
- career
- social
- personal development
- phisical
- material
- family
For each area I've then defined a set of actions (clear expected result with timings).

This is quite interesting and good because:
- it puts targets on my mind
- it gives me a sense of control, that I am leading my life where I want it to go (and I am in fact more in control)
- it get's me moving!

This last one is the most important part. There's no point in setting objectives and then not act on them. In fact, it is negative... because it generates frustration, that I am not achieving what I expected I would... and then it starts mining my self esteem, my self confidence, etc
But if I act... then I feel good, because I am moving, in the direction of what I want to achieve.
Action is key.

Many times though, objectives will lose relevance, we will not want to achieve them as much as before. This might be because we started working towards them and realised that they are not actually what we want. That is life! It's the road, the route... If this happens, then think about what I want to achieve. And be positive, as walking towards the previous objective helped me understand that that wasn't it - I've progressed!
Other point: even if at some stage I'm not over excited about some specific action to lead towards some objective (but can't think of a better action)... just do it! Acting will lead to think of other ways, other ideas, other actions.
Action is key.

JUST DO IT!

A journey of a 1.000 miles starts with a single step.
How to eat an elephant? Break it into small pieces and start eating...

2010 Expectations

2010...
I've got a strong feeling that this will be a year for change. Above all, a year for starting new things, new long term projects. A year for new challenges.
I've yearned for change amnd been thinking about it for quite a while, I'd say since 06! But this time I feel it is really time... I am certain it will happen. Anyway, it is down to me to make it happen, so if I believe it will happen.
I'm not getting the retail job, not imediately at least. Despite being pissed off originally, in other ways I am relieved. I'm not sure if I wanted to stay in the same country for another couple of years. Though it would be quite a good professional experience, that would allow me to learn in a more supported/safer environment, I also want to go abroad again, and also have the personal experience on top.
On the personal side, it is also time for something to happen. Either move in with the long term relationship or make a clean break and start over.
Change, change, change! Let's do it, let's go for it!

Some thoughts as we approach the end of the year

Hey, just a few days till the end of the year.
Some news in the last few days...
Things at work were hectic: I asked for clarity regarding if a move to the retail job was possible until the holidays and none were coming. And in the last day, for a debrief session, the girl I was replacing was supposed to come.
Had a quick chat (by accident, for 2 or 3 minutes...) with the retail mkt director, he had a chat with my other boss, they are willing (and he wants to) to make it happen but don't have a solution yet. So I need to start handing things over.
That really pissed me of. I got totally annoyed, angry, furious. I poured so much of myself into that job, was so passionate about it, could see future possibilities, but it was not happening for me. Funny the following day one of the secretaries (who has known me for years) picked up that I looked unhappy again... she said I had looked happy again, and now unhappy... How canny.

The day the girl was over for the debrief was quite hard to deal with. I moved my stuff back to my old place. The debriefs were hard, I have my strong oppinion but it's gonna be her job and her calls.

One thing I know is that I don't want to move to my old job. I will look for a good move out.

Towards the end of the 23rd I started feeling hot. Getting home, after football, I was feeling quite bad actually. Got into bed, had fever. That night and the following day were very sickly... High temperatures. In bed. Sleeping. 24th was mostly spent in bed. Missed family lunch on the 25th.

I guess I've been working for 1 year non stop and need a break. And the stress really built up in these last days at work. And my body reacted, making me stop.

I like the way I am. I am surprisingly strong and resilient. But I need to let go, work should not get to me the way it does. I will learn to do it. Never again will Christmas be spoiled by work.

On the girlfriend front... no real support where expected.

Learnings from the assignment

Learnings from the job assignment I am going through:
- fantastic start with loads of energy and will to do stuff. Great impact on people around me, really impressed most people and energised the ones that work with me. Great energy, working late and doing stuff, moving things forward
- I was cool with everything, there was no pressure, the expectation was just that I would manage things until the person I was replacing would come back
- a few weeks later, I started to worry... one driver could be that I had a chat with my boss and I told him that I would like to stay and he said we would like me to stay. So the pressure mounted... I put that pressure on myself!
- Then... the energy started going. For a few weeks (more!) I was trying to stay afloat! Not to sink. Not to defraud expectations from others... this was in fact one of the key concerns
- performance started going down, I was always more cautious. I was a lot more concerned about what people would think. I was not as decisive. I wasn't energising the people around me. I was having a few clashes with some people reporting to me.
- chat with my boss... he didn't seem as keen as having me stay as before. He talked a bit more about the person I replaced.
- This chat moved me to another level in my mind. Took the pressure off 'ok... so I'm not getting the job. So I don't care. I'll just move things.'
- and... now for instance instead of spending Sunday fretting about the work I sould be doing and which I would only pick like really at the end of the day and for 1 hour (to float... not to sink)... now: I don't care. I think I am the most important thing, me, the most important person. So I'm gonna do stuff that I want to do, get out instead of staying at home, thinking about work I should be doing or 'resting' (not really) to recharge for work. And after going out I'll probably do some work, but I am sure I'll do it with a much more positive attitude and I will get more done and take more pleasure out of it.

Learn from this!!!
How can I get rid of that pressure I put on myself?

'The whole thing is to keep working and pretty soon they'll think you're good.'
Jack Nicholson

In love

Absolutely enjoying myself in the new job, that I am doing covering someone else's maternity.
Love it.
Why?
- because it is about categories and brands that I've known and worked with for years, and grew to love;
- because there is a lot to learn, lots of interesting stuff;
- because the situation is appealing to me: we are suffering a bit, market going down, loosing share and people are not expecting a lot... I am the guy who can come from behind and unexpectedly deliver great stuff (the underdog! I love being in this position);
- because the guy who is my boss has a great depth of knowledge and is taking a very didactic approach, taking opportunities to teach his team;
- because also it is a good situation, not a lot is expected from me (just covering a maternity) so the pressure is relatively low;
- because there is a very visibile lack of knowledge in the rest of the company in this category... I am really a goldmine with the depth and wealth of insights and learning I have from having worked (through different jobs, functions and regionalities) with these categories and brands
- because I have colleagues! It's a team of 5 of us, reporting to 1 guy. We are all around the same age and experiencing the same things! Being in the senior team, I am also quite respected by the younger managers which is something I also appreciate... And also the young managers are cool, intelligent and nice (also to look at!:) )

And... I am loving it so much that I am finding huge ammounts of energy, I am amazingly much more positive and... contaminating everybody around me with this energy! I am also a lot more confortable taking and making decisions and... coming up with a lot more cool ideas.
It's amazing the difference it makes when you actually are enjoying a lot what you are doing. When you are passionate about it.

Enthusiasm!

My boss came to me and asked my oppinion about a job. On top of what I'm already doing, to cover the maternity leave from a colleague.
I said yes: it's a category that I know, but a different channel.
I didn't think much of it, apart from 'well, I need some spark, I'm trully and well bored'. After saying yes, I went a bit... 'hey, am I going to deep on this? Am I gonna go over the head, into areas I don't know? And destroy my reputation?'
Then the weekend came and I forgot about this, nothing really.
Only when I returned, it was a 3 day weekend as I took monday off, my boss called me into her office 1st thing in the morning where I met her and the other future line manager. And... from then on, full energy just flew!

The key reason I think is that I really like the category. I've worked in it for years and years and I know quite a lot. So very, very quickly I picked up on the projects.
But the excitement...! Huge. Overwhelming. Couldn't stop working. Time totally flew by.

Why?
Because I'm good at it?
Because I am much better than the rest of the people?
Because I can quickly add value?
Because I like that category a lot.

Don't know.
But it'll be interesting to find out as the passion and willing to work was extremely intense!

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Mark Twain

Lost

I feel lost.
Don't have direction.
Feel lonely. Don't want to be lonely in this stage in life. In the past sometimes I made that choice. I don't want it now.

That part of my life (partner) is key at this stage. It is what fills my mind. With hindsight, probably it has been on my mind for quite a while now, since 06?
But only now I think I start to understand how important it is.

And it seems so important that it influences other areas. Can't find motivation and objectives at work. As the personal side needs work, it shouts for attention, it drains energy, it requires me. And nothing else can get attention if that part is not solved.

Sad.
Also, not sure how to solve it. How do you know who is right for you?
How can you tell if someone is 'the one' for you?

Yes, with some partner there might be huge passion. But does that last? Is that enough?
Sure, there is also great values and personality, which breeds great respect. But does it mean more than a great friendship? Don't we also need more there?

A mix of both is ideal. But I can't seem to find it. Am I really looking? Am I overlooking something? Do I need to look more, or do I already have exactly what I want and need?

Life lessons and priorities

Quite tired in the last few weeks...
Pressure mounting at work, a few clashes with people on the board (due to one of them wanting to steal somebody in my team), also discussing and wondering whether I should take a great job opportunity that came along (another country, same company, central category role), a bit of travelling, issues with another person I manage (not delivering the goods)...

Pressure mounts up and is tiring. What I fail to do and definitely need to improve at is to switch off after leaving the office. I do do a lot of sports, have a great network family and friends, but still find myself mulling over stuff at home, after dinner, before going to bed.

Meditation does help, but I find a lot more difficult to do when I am tired and this then builds into a negative circle: I am stressed, get tired, don't meditate, anxiety accumulates, am stressed...
It is a lot easier to meditate when fully fit and on form!!!

On other stuff, the job offer I got was quite good. It came via my boss, as it was a great opportunity and she felt that despite not wanting to lose me she felt it was too good to miss out, and in the end she could bring me back as a more valuable resource.
Anyway, great opportunity, expat package, really cool role but in the end... I didn't take. Gut feel said no. Why? It's not the first time, so I wonder why I turn down great job opps?
- suspected reason 1: I want to do it with a partner, not by myself as I did it last time... Want it to be an adventure for 2, no patience for building a social network again all over again by myself...
- suspected reason 2: no great connection with the guy who would be my boss. Could also be, as I do like inspiring bosses
- suspected reason 3: chicken?! Afraid to risk it? Don't think so! It wouldn't be much of a risk and in the event of things going wrong the financial pay off for me would be quite nice
- suspected reason 4:....?

I think wanting to be with a partner is one of the key priorities for my life now. When I sit down and start wondering what I want to do, what objectives I want to achieve, most things that come up are personal. And I think that rationally I struggle with this! I've spent the last decade focusing on career and achieving stuff at work, jobs, roles, moves... now I find it hard to deal that personal life becomes important!

Also, I do have a really nice job now. And I get along great with my boss. And, above all the rest, I am learning! I am getting exposed to people management, dealing with very experienced guys who've 'been around' a while and know how to play the game...
Though sometimes through difficulties I just want to leave, it is great to be exposed to difficulties. It's a learning experience. Learn and grow.
And I don't want to leave the current job without delivering stuff. I've been on the job for just over 1 year. And the prior one was the same. I now need a job where I will leave a mark. Deliver an emblematic product. Something that will still be around 10 years from now. Something that I will be proud of.
And I can do that now. And... settle my personal life at the same time.