Life lessons and priorities

Quite tired in the last few weeks...
Pressure mounting at work, a few clashes with people on the board (due to one of them wanting to steal somebody in my team), also discussing and wondering whether I should take a great job opportunity that came along (another country, same company, central category role), a bit of travelling, issues with another person I manage (not delivering the goods)...

Pressure mounts up and is tiring. What I fail to do and definitely need to improve at is to switch off after leaving the office. I do do a lot of sports, have a great network family and friends, but still find myself mulling over stuff at home, after dinner, before going to bed.

Meditation does help, but I find a lot more difficult to do when I am tired and this then builds into a negative circle: I am stressed, get tired, don't meditate, anxiety accumulates, am stressed...
It is a lot easier to meditate when fully fit and on form!!!

On other stuff, the job offer I got was quite good. It came via my boss, as it was a great opportunity and she felt that despite not wanting to lose me she felt it was too good to miss out, and in the end she could bring me back as a more valuable resource.
Anyway, great opportunity, expat package, really cool role but in the end... I didn't take. Gut feel said no. Why? It's not the first time, so I wonder why I turn down great job opps?
- suspected reason 1: I want to do it with a partner, not by myself as I did it last time... Want it to be an adventure for 2, no patience for building a social network again all over again by myself...
- suspected reason 2: no great connection with the guy who would be my boss. Could also be, as I do like inspiring bosses
- suspected reason 3: chicken?! Afraid to risk it? Don't think so! It wouldn't be much of a risk and in the event of things going wrong the financial pay off for me would be quite nice
- suspected reason 4:....?

I think wanting to be with a partner is one of the key priorities for my life now. When I sit down and start wondering what I want to do, what objectives I want to achieve, most things that come up are personal. And I think that rationally I struggle with this! I've spent the last decade focusing on career and achieving stuff at work, jobs, roles, moves... now I find it hard to deal that personal life becomes important!

Also, I do have a really nice job now. And I get along great with my boss. And, above all the rest, I am learning! I am getting exposed to people management, dealing with very experienced guys who've 'been around' a while and know how to play the game...
Though sometimes through difficulties I just want to leave, it is great to be exposed to difficulties. It's a learning experience. Learn and grow.
And I don't want to leave the current job without delivering stuff. I've been on the job for just over 1 year. And the prior one was the same. I now need a job where I will leave a mark. Deliver an emblematic product. Something that will still be around 10 years from now. Something that I will be proud of.
And I can do that now. And... settle my personal life at the same time.

Farewell part II

The following day, they got everyone in our floor together at 9.30 am and did a little thank you speech to me!
My boss did it and he was really nice. It came as a surprise as in big businesses things do tend to move on quite quickly, usually there are no thank yous, etc
The nicest part was him starting the speech and also finishing it on the same topic: of this not being goodbye as they would love for me to return. It really really made me feel great. I guess the best thing to happen when you leave is for people to value your work and say that you will be missed and the door is open! I am really happy and proud about it!
He went on about all the jobs and assignments I had taken in the last years, and described me as a highly professional manager. I was really moved, as there was a high number of people there, I really felt touched and proud.
The best part of all... came later when I was wrapping up the handover to another colleague. The night before he had taken the train home with my boss (who will be his boss) and he mentioned to him that it was a shame that I was leaving and that he will aim to get me back! It's hard to describe how well that made me feel!!!

I also had a final chat with my boss and his boss: it was really nice, they asked me a lot about my new projects and were really interested. It was quite good, as some of the stuff I will be working on is quite interesting for them, potential business opportunities.

As I write it's Tuesday, yesterday was officially my final day in the old job and have to admit I do feel... nostalgic.
It is difficult to leave a place where you are valued and at a stage where you are quite confortable with the work you are doing, you know the stuff and get things moving quickly and easy. Specially when you move into a new area, where you will be totally out of your depth and a bit lost.
But end of the day, I guess that is the way to learn and grow as an individual and as a manager. I hope I am going to enjoy this new trip.